There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
