just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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