i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
