I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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