I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
