I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
