please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
