im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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