i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize