I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
