FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
