just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
