Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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