john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
