Plan B is the new Plan A
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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