My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize