I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
