Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
