New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
