Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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