I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
