fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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