This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
