i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
