dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
