There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
