She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
