This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize