Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
