the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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