her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
