How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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