Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
