Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
