um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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