Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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