you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize