if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
