well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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