I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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