puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
