I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
