New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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