I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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