And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
