We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
