Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
