I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
