just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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