you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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