sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
