Who did Billy Mays play for?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
