Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
