Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
