I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
