I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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