You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
