If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
