if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
