what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize