Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
