I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this beer tastes like vomit already
worst night to have a conscience
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
