put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
