Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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