32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
