3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
