her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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