Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize