she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
