I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
