One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
