At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize