I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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