do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize