Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
