whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize