My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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