i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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