I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
