i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
