I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
