the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
