Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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