You work out of a Hotel?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
