I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
