So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
