Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
