can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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