Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
