what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
