i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
