why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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