Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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