it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
