just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
