I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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